Ambien. No doubt about it.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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