Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
