and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
