a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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