dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
