"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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