I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
