my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
