we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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