My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
