Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
