Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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