Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
