the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
