Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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