he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
