Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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