I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
