blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
