i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
