my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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