help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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