were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
