The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
