found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
