Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
