he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
