Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
tell me about the eggs
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
