I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
