I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
