Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
