I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
