My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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