You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize