It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She bit a glass in half.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
