the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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