Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
