It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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