im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
