he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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