He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
