I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he puts the penis in happiness.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
