his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
