Im at strip club and am horny
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Panties = found
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
