mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
