Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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