Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
