Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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