also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
