Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
