ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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