worst night to have a conscience
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
