are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
