I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
