Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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