I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
