Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
