belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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