I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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