On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
