I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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