true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
