i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
