They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
