There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
