my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
