Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
