the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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