You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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