I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
